I. Hate. Cancer

The cancer finally claimed my grandmother. She has fought this demon for 14 years. The year after she was diagnosed her daughter died of breast cancer after 6 months. But she fought on for her family. We have seen her bald, we have seen her sick, we have seen her healed. Cancer lived in her, yet we were given 14 more amazing years full of memories, forgiveness, and a whole ton of love. Enough of that talk, that ugly disease deserves none of my words. 

The last time I saw my grandmother was last Tuesday night. She was admitted in the hospital that Monday morning and stayed overnight for testing. The found that she had tumors and that there were options, they sent her home with the full intention that she would return the next week for Chemo....to fight- again. She came home to her house that Tuesday night, where I was staying with Tiffany so I was there and we sat on the couch and talked. We had grown apart several years prior to this one so it was the greatest gift that I have been given in a long time, to have those several hours with her- just like we used to be. We held hands and she 'hugged' my arm as we sat side by side on her couch in the living room where so many of my fondest memories were made. She rested her head on my shoulder and she kissed the back of my hand and we just talked.I am so blessed that point in time will be my last memory of her. Just how we were. 

The rest of the week went by and on Saturday (one week ago) she was not feeling well again and was admitted to the hospital Sunday morning. She would be rushed into emergency surgery to remove a large portion of her cancer stricken organs and she was on her way to recovery by Wed/ Thursday and was even moved out of ICU by Friday night. She was going to beat this, again. 

Saturday morning I awoke to my second massive migraine in as many days, but I took some meds and started cleaning. There were things to be done. There were children to be shuttled here there and to Homecoming festivities everywhere. Since her admittance into the hospital this last time, we have all taken shifts staying with Tiffany and making sure she gets where she needs to be in an as normal schedule as possible.
My phone rang, it was my dad. He told me to get dressed. He was coming to get me. I asked Why. He said, get dressed. 
I knew. 

There was no way that my father would have called me if something terrible hadn't happened. And it had. I called everyone I could think of to try to hear the words that I needed to hear. I needed someone to tell me. I called my 16 yr old cousin to see if her mother, my aunt was home- I could tell that they (the kids) did not know yet....so I played it off and kept calling others. I needed someone to tell me the truth. I was not one of the kids, I am no longer needing to be protected. I needed to know. I finally called my mother, thinking back now I am not sure why I didn't call her first. She told me. She told me the words that I needed to hear. The words that I already knew in my heart. I yelled, "What?! WHY?!" But I knew why. Her body was tired, her heart was weak and she was ready to go Home. 
My dad picked me up and drove my numbly to the hospital. I asked him when, he didn't know. I asked him if she was still in a room, he didn't know. My meds had made me loopy and I was nodding in and out. As soon as we arrived, I all but RAN to the elevators and went up, my brother was waiting for me there. He lead us to the room. I went right in, there was no hesitation. This was not my first time seeing....that. It was not her. She was not there. I sat with my mother and held my grandmother's hand. We stroked her hair and told her things. But she was not there. I know no one person who loves her Lord more than my grandmother does. I told my mother that I imagined her; loud as ever, HAPPY as ever, and healthy as ever- running into the arms of Jesus when He called her Home. That's who she was, that is who He made her to be. She was larger than life. No doubt she ran up to Him, yelling "Here I am!!" and rejoicing, HAPPY, laughing, singing, just like she was with us, but a million times moreover. 

She was never afraid to die, she was ready and she told us that all the time. She would miss us- no doubt. But she was ready to be with her Father in Heaven. And all of the ones who were waiting for her there. Her parents, the love of her life- my Grandy, her daughter Cheri, Kenny, her best friend Jane......
She was an amazing woman and will be greatly missed. She taught us about faith, love, and laughter. She was the tree trunk that brought our family to life and held us together. She taught us how to love and how to prosper as a family unit so that one day- this day...We could go on after she was gone from our arms.