Letter for the day is "F"

It is still so hard to say the words- “My dad has cancer”

 

It has been two days since we found out.  May 20^th. That stupid date will be forever etched into my mind. I took the day off originally to do things around my house and I am so grateful because it let my mom come and tell me and be with me for a long period after- so that I was not alone. Thank GOD for blessings in disguise. If he hadn’t suffered through the whole kidney stone ordeal- they might not had found this until his next scan in 5+ years and we could have been fighting a whole different battle than we are lucky to be fighting now.

Out of 21 biopsies, only 3 were 10% positive for prostate cancer.  They caught it very early and we have lots of options.

It makes me think of the first time I remember death being present in my family. My mom’s side of the family was very young and large, and my dad’s side was all older and so my first recollection of death was a very old member of my dad’s family. I remember the funeral, everyone was sad- and that is it. Then all of the great grandparents were gone and my paternal grandfather got sick (originating with prostate cancer) and fought long hard years with his cancers until he passed after a brutal struggle. My mother’s sister who passed from breast cancer at the age of 32 was the first time that I was slammed with the realization that death comes at any age- any time- and without mercy. My maternal grandmother passing from her 10+ year struggle with cancer was more recent and fresh.  It is hard to put my FATHER into that category. He is not SICK. He is not OLD. It is very hard for me to think of him as having this disease that will change all of our lives forever.

When I tell people who I need support from, saying “My dad has cancer” seems so foreign and almost vulgar to me. It makes me sick to my stomach. But I know that just like everything else that my father does- this will be handled on his terms, his way, no highway option. He is strong in that way. He will not let this slow him down. He will take the most wham bam thank you ma’am approach that will get him back to his daily routine the quickest.

And just like in every other thing that happened to shape and mold our family into the living breathing being that we are today- we will get through this the only way that we know how. Together.